


All the stars have a reason

by stevietb



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heartbreak, Hurt, Love, M/M, POV Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), POV GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Pain, Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), dreamwastaken - Freeform, longing for love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevietb/pseuds/stevietb
Summary: In this story, Dream(clay) experiences love for the first time. He falls in love with his best friend, and does everything he can to tell him. Are the feelings mutual?
Kudos: 3





	All the stars have a reason

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing fanfic in my life so don't judge too hard. Sorry if it seems rushed!  
> Songs used  
> Can I call you tonight?- Dayglow  
> Star Shopping- Lil Peep  
> I listened to star shopping the whole time I wrote this...

Dream POV

I woke up with a slight headache. I stayed up late last night with my friends on the teamspeak. We were talking about future videos and maybe meeting up. We didn’t have anything set in stone though. It is currently December 26th. Yesterday was christmas and I wanted nothing more than to spend it with my friends. Sadly I didn’t have the power to make that happen. None of my friends lived that close to me, and my best friend lived on a whole other continent. “Best friend” I should say. Though he is my best friend, I also find myself longing for more. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want him to be mine. I want to be able to tell the whole world that he’s mine. I want to be with him more than anything in the world. Somehow, with all these feelings, I’ve never met him in person or even showed him my face. Although I had always wanted to visit George in England, something always came up. Maybe it was just an excuse for me. A way out. A way to protect myself from my own complex feelings. I do want to see him though. Maybe I could plan for us to go on a trip. And I could get Sapnap too! I was getting ahead of myself. The next holiday was in only 5 days. I would have to come up with something fast if I wanted it to happen.

I called Sapnap. Finally, after the third ring, he picked up the phone. “Hello” he said, sounding tired. “Just wake up?” I asked. “Yeah. I stayed up way too late for my well being” he said with a small chuckle. “Yeah, me too. Anyway, I called you because I had an idea” I said. “Oh god. What’s your idea?” he said, sounding skeptical. “Don’t worry, it's a good idea,” I said reassuringly. “My idea is that we could meet up. It’s going to be very soon though, so you don’t have much time to prepare,” I said. “Seems like your telling me and not asking,” he said. “Oh well, I just thought-” “I’m kidding.” he said cutting me off with a laugh. “Oh. Anyways, I wanted us to spend new years together! We could go to New York for the ball drop!” I said with an excited laugh. “That would be sick! What about George? Can he come?” Sapnap asked. “Oh no, George won’t be there. He is too busy.” I said knowing I was lying. “Aww ok. Well at least we could both go.” he said with a sigh. “So that’s a yes?” I questioned. “Yes!” Sapnap said cheerfully. “Woooo! I can’t wait!” I exclaimed with joy. “Pogchamp.” Sapnap said with a laugh. And with that I ended the call. My plan is going perfectly, I thought to myself.

“Hello?” I heard from the other line. “Hello?” I said mimicking his accent. “If you’re going to do that I am hanging up on you.” George said sarcastically. “No I was just kidding!” I said, sounding worried. “So was I!” George laughed. “Anyway, moving on. I have a great idea.” “Go on.” George said. “Well, since we couldn’t see each other for christmas, maybe we could see each other for new years!” I said with a smile, even though he couldn’t see me. “That’s in like 5 days. I have no time to prepare.” George complained. “I know I know. But it will be so fun. I was thinking we could go to New York and see the ball drop!” I said happily. “Ball drop?” George said giggling. “Not like that!” I said laughing. We laughed for a few more moments before George agreed. “What about Sapnap?” he asked. “Yeah, Sapnap can’t make it. He already had plans.” I said trying my best not to blow my cover. “Oh that sucks. We should have fun though.” he said. “Definitely.” With that, everything worked the way I wanted it. I was going to surprise them with each other.

Now was the time to focus on me. I still hadn’t packed, or figured out any other details of the trip. George had the job of finding us a hotel. I hadn’t really thought about the fact this was our first time all meeting each other. Then I remembered one small flaw in my plan. George. George was something I hadn’t taken into consideration. When on call, I can hide all my mannerisms, but in person, he can see me. He is able to see my face blush when he says my name, he could see me tense up when put on the spot, he would see me smile when he spoke, and he would see the way I fidget with my hands when I’m nervous. Sometimes it feels like we could be more than friends. It doesn’t matter what it seemed like though, George didn’t feel the same way. I know he doesn’t feel the same way. I know that for a fact. I didn’t want to see him in that light, or think about him in any other way than friends, but the thought always came into my mind when we talked. It felt like George was messing with me. Maybe he was trying to get in my head. If that was his goal, then he definitely achieved it. I try to stop thinking about that though. I NEED to pack. Right now. No more distractions. No more thoughts of him. No more thoughts.  
I had almost finished packing when I realised something, George hadn't seen my face. I always wanted to face reveal in a grand way, not just meet them at the hotel. Coincidentally, he texted me exactly what I was thinking. “Hey, how am I going to know it’s you?” George texted. “Umm...I haven’t really thought about that.” I said. “Wear something that I will easily recognize you for,” he said. “Like what?” I asked. “Wear a blue shirt, and like black pants or something.” he said. “So dress like literally every other human on this planet?” I said while laughing. “Wear your merch then,” he replied. “I’ll wear the blue merch just for you!” I sent with a little kissy face. “You're so dumb,” he said. “Oh whatever, you love me,” I texted. “Yeah ok,” he responded being sarcastic. He didn’t say no I thought to myself. 

*time skip*

Today was the day. I was going to meet my best friend in real life. I was also going to surprise my friends with each other. I couldn’t wait to see Sapnap’s reaction. He is totally going to tackle George when he sees him. I texted Sapnap to have a good flight and to stay safe. George had already boarded his plane an hour ago because he had a longer flight. I had to leave for the airport soon. I dropped my cat patches off at my moms house, and went to the airport. 

The airport was pretty busy. I realized I might be late to my flight if I didn’t hurry. I went through security as fast as possible, then ran to my gate without putting my shoes on. Luckily, I had gotten there just in time. I put my shoes on, and a few minutes later we were boarding. As I walked through the hallway that led to the airplane, my heart was pounding. For one, I was getting to see my best friends, and two I was terrified of flying. I tried to push my fear of heights away and focus on what was to come. I found my seat on the plane, and to my demise, it was a window seat. Great, now I get to watch my impending doom. 

*time skip*

I landed. Thank god I survived. I texted Sapnap to see if he had landed yet. “I just landed 5 minutes ago, what gate are you?” Sapnap asked. “Meet me at baggage claim,” I said. I was walking to baggage claim and texted George. George was getting off the plane now, everything was timed perfectly. I told him to meet me at baggage claim as well. I had gotten to the baggage claim, and I saw Sapnap. He was facing the other way waiting for a bag. I tapped him on the shoulder and he jumped. “Hey- DREAM!” He shouted and hugged me. “Hey man!” I said happily. “Oh my god Dream, you're so much hotter in person,” he remarked. “Shut the hell up,” I laughed. We had both gotten our bags, now we just had to wait for george. “Are you ready to go?” he asked. “Uh, one sec. I think there is one bag of mine I’m missing,” I lied. I turned to act like I was looking for a bag, and there he was. He was walking towards baggage claim. He looked so cute in his little sweatshirt. “Hey look!” I yelled to Sapnap. He turned and saw George. “GOGY YOU’RE HERE!” He screamed. “Sapnap? I thought you couldn’t make it!” George said giddily. “I thought you couldn’t make it either,” Sapnap said while embracing the small man. “Well then Dream lied to both of us. Speaking of Dream, where is he?” George asked. “Surprise!” I said and tightly hugged George. “Oh hi!” He said happily. “Did you guys enjoy my surprise?” I asked with a smug smile. “Very clever,” Sapnap said with a laugh. “Hey let's get going to the hotel.” “Oh um about that...I thought it would only be 2 of us so I only got a room with 2 beds,”George said quietly. “Oh it’s okay. 2 of us are just going to have to share a bed,” I said, being slightly hopeful George and I would share. “Hey Gogy. We could snuggle up at night. You could be my little teddy bear,” Sapnap said with a laugh. “So it’s decided I’m sleeping with Dream,” George said. “What?!?” Sapnap said, being offended. “Haha Sapnap, George likes me more,” I cooed. “I actually hate both of you,” George said. We all laughed. We picked up the rental car and went to the hotel.

As we were settling into our rooms, George looked a little agitated. “Something wrong?” I questioned. “Yeah. Who said you could have the left side of the bed?” George asked. “Oh, sorry I didn’t know you cared so much,” I said with a playfully sarcastic tone. I moved my stuff to the right side of the room. George was smirking. “What’s with the look?” I asked. “You are a simp!” George exclaimed. “What the hell? How?” I asked, being slightly annoyed. “As soon as I mentioned wanting the left side of the bed, you didn’t even argue. You obeyed me.” George laughed. “Woah don’t make this weird Georgie. I’m just a nice, handsome, and great guy,” I laughed. “Nice? I don’t know about that one,” George said. “So you agree I’m handsome?” I teased. His face had a tint of redness now. “I never said that,” He muttered. “Is it weird for you to see my face?” I asked. “I mean, it’s different. You don’t look how I thought you would,” he said. “Is that a good or bad thing?” I asked. “Good I guess,” he shrugged. Good? Does he think I look good? My face went a little red, so I quickly left the room so he couldn’t see. I walked near the bathroom and saw Sapnap. “Let’s talk,” I said and dragged him out of the room. “What is it?” he asked, seeming concerned. “Ok, don’t think I’m crazy. Promise you won’t judge me?” I asked. “Oh, is this serious? I won’t judge you I swear,” he said. “Well I think I-” I started. I was cut off by George walking out of the room. “Oh hey George!” I said. “What were you guys talking about here? Was it a secret?” he asked with a small smile. “Oh nothing, just talking about the options for dinner.” I assured him. George left the room shrugging it off. “We’ll talk later,” I said to Sapnap.

*time skip*

We sat at the dinner table. We had all ordered the same thing, since we had similar taste in food. “So Dream, what’s the plan for the next few days?” George asked. “So tomorrow, we are going to go to some shops around NY, maybe get some lunch and dinner. Then on the 31st, we are going to Times Square, and we are staying until midnight to see the ball drop.” I said. “Sounds fun,” Sapnap added. “It will be,” I said confidently. I was eating my food, and I started feeling like I was being watched. I looked up from the table and saw a girl seemingly taking pictures of us. I realized that everyone knew what George and Sapnap looked like, but no one knew what I looked like. “Um, I will be right back,” I said and I hurried out of the restaurant. I sat in the rental car for a moment, trying to reassure myself that those pictures wouldn’t be all over the internet. I heard a knock on the window and turned. It was George. I rolled down the window. “You okay?” George asked, looking concerned. “Uh yeah. Definitely, everythings good!” I said with a cheesy, fake smile. George got in the passenger's seat and looked at me. “What’s wrong, Dream? I know there is something wrong.” He said. I sighed. “I forgot I can’t safely go in public,” I said. “What do you mean?” He asked, staring me dead in the eyes. “Let’s just say I might not be the one doing my own face reveal,” I said. “Shit. I forgot. I’m so sorry. Was someone taking pictures of you? Who were they? You know we can sue them-” “It’s ok George.” I laughed. “It’s not okay for people to take pictures of you without your consent.” George said. Sapnap came out of the restaurant. “I paid the bill. I figured you guys weren’t coming back inside,” Sapnap said. “You didn’t have to do that.” “Yeah seriously, we could’ve helped pay you know,” George added. “It’s fine guys. What happened?” Sapnap asked. “Some rat was taking pictures of him,” George said. “Oh,” Sapnap said. “Just get in. At this point I just want to go back to the hotel,” I said to Sapnap. I drove us back to the hotel. The whole car ride was silent. None of us really knew what to say, so we didn’t say anything.

When we got to our hotel room, I went straight to my bed. It wasn’t too late, but I was tired from the flight. “Goodnight guys,” I said. “Sleeping already?” Sapnap asked. “Yeah, today has been stressful,” I said, closing my eyes. I laid there in the bed for a while, not sleeping. Sapnap was sitting in the other bed on his phone. George was sitting on the bed next to me. He was reading a book. I wanted to talk to Sapnap, and tell him how I felt about George. Maybe he could help me. I didn’t have any chances to though. I sat up and went on my phone, since I couldn’t sleep. I opened Sapnap and I’s texts. I angled myself so that George couldn’t see my phone if he looked over. I started typing. “Hey. Wake up early in the morning. I want to talk to you about some things.” I said. “Ok.” he responded. I put my phone down, and laid my head on my pillow. I looked over to George, and at this point he had fallen asleep reading. I admired his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful. I moved his book off of him, and pulled the blanket over him more. Seeing him sleep helped me doze off myself.  
3  
I woke up to see George staring at me. It caught me off guard a bit, and he quickly looked away once he noticed I had woken up. I laughed to myself, and he gave me an embarrassed glare. I looked to Sapnap, and he was not there. I checked my phone and saw a text from him reading, “I am downstairs in the hotel, when you wake up come down and we can talk.” I quickly got up and got dressed in the bathroom. “Where are you going?” George asked. “I’m just going to get us breakfast downstairs, I won’t be long,” I said quickly leaving the room. I walked down the stairs and into the hotel lobby. I saw Sapnap sitting at a table by himself. I took the seat in front of him. “Sleep well?” he asked. “Yeah, I guess.” I responded simply. “So...what did you want to talk about?” he questioned. I took a deep breath and let the words fall out of my mouth. “I don’t really know how to word this, or if there is a way to word this without sounding crazy. This is going to sound really cheesy, but I think I’m falling in love with my best friend,” I spoke quietly. “Oh Dreamie, we all knew you loved me,” he laughed. “I hate you,” I laughed. “You really thought I didn’t know? I’ve seen the way you look at George. Last night, in the car, you looked at him in such a different lighting. You looked at him with such a soft expression, and that’s when I surely knew,” he said. “Wow. I didn’t know it was that obvious,” I said. “Yeah, it sure as hell is. And I think maybe he has some sort of feelings for you too Dream,” Sapnap suggested. “Mhm, yeah no. He doesn’t like me like that. I know that,” I quickly said. “Well, I think you need glasses,” he said. “What?” “Because you’re blind my guy,” he laughed. “I just don’t think he likes me like that. I mean he does seem pretty gay, but I don’t think he likes me,” I said. We both burst out with laughter. We were in a mutual agreement that George was the gayest person we had ever met. 

Once we had stopped laughing, we headed up the stairs back to the room. George gave us a dirty look when we walked in. “What’s with the face?” I asked. “You guys are liars. Sapnap said he was getting new key cards for the room, and you said you were getting food,” he said glaring at me. “But in reality, you guys were sneaking around. I wouldn’t doubt if you guys were kissing or something,” George laughed. “You’d be jealous wouldn’t you,” Sapnap said and winked at George. “What would I be jealous of?” George questioned. “That I was kissing Dream instead of you kissing him!” Sapnap said with a laugh. Immediately George’s face turned red, and he looked away. My face had a slight pink tint as well. Sapnap took notice of both of us blushing. “Oh my god guys, get a room,” he teased. “Shut the hell up Sapnap. Don’t act like you weren’t the one who wanted to cuddle me as a teddy bear!” George grinned. A wheeze escaped my mouth. And with that, we were all dying of laughter. “Fuck you,” I said between laughs. Once we had all composed ourselves, we talked about our plans for the day. “Today, we are supposed to go shopping,” I said. “What if we make it a challenge?” Sapnap said with a smile. “What if we all buy each other gifts,” he continued. “We could see who’s gift is the coolest.” “That could be fun,” I said. “I can’t buy myself. And I know I’m the only present Sapnap would ever want,” George said with a laugh. “Shut up George. I may act like I like you, but if I’m banging anybody, it’s definitely Karl.” Sapnap said. “You guys are so annoying,” I said while laughing. “Let’s go shop now,” I said, still slightly chuckling. 

We all split up and went to different stores. I wanted to get them good gifts, ones that they would remember forever. I walked into a small antique shop. I looked around for a while. I saw some things that were kind of cool, but then I realized that they wouldn’t like it. I found a really small mini fridge that was coca-cola themed. It had a little panda on it and it was adorable. I got it for Sapnap. Now I had to buy for George. I knew him so well, but this was the most challenging task ever. I left the antique store because I had already been on every single aisle. Next I went to the thrift store. I felt like I was being really cheap, but the thrift store had cool stuff sometimes. I was walking through each aisle, when something caught my eye. It was a sweater. It was a dark-ish blue with a star in the middle of it. “That would look so good on George,” I thought to myself. I looked through the rest of the store, and found a little pair of blue glasses. They were star shaped. I got those along with the sweater, because they matched. I don’t know if George will like it or not. I just think it will look great on him. The thought of him wearing those clothes made me blush a bit. Next, I went to a nearby market. I got both of them their favorite snacks. I got Sapnap some coke to put in his mini fridge. I decided to call George and see where he was so we could meet up. He answered after the 3rd ring. “Hey, are you with Sapnap?” I asked. “No. I was in the same store as him, then he ran past me screaming “I have the best idea” then he left,” George laughed. “Oh my gosh. Are you done shopping?” I questioned. “Mhm,” George replied. “Ok, let's meet at Mcdonalds, then we can get lunch and wait for Sap,” I said. “Sounds good,” he said. I hung up the phone. Just hearing his voice made me feel something. I don’t know what the feeling is or how to describe it, but it is a good feeling. 

I sat down at a table at Mcdonalds and called Sapnap. “Whatcha up to?” I asked. “I am buying the most epic, most swag presents ever,” he said. “Well when you’re done, meet me and George at Mcdonalds,” I said. “Kk bye love you,” he said then hung up. I laughed at the small interaction. I looked over to the door, and saw George. A small smile crept onto my face without me even realizing it. “Hi,” George greeted with a smile. “Hi. Did you have fun shopping?” I asked, trying to act normal. “I guess. If you call waiting in long lines fun, then I had the time of my life,” George said sarcastically. I laughed a little at his response. George laughed a little at me laughing. “Your laugh is quite contagious,” he said. We were sitting there joking with each other when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Sapnap was standing outside the Mcdonalds recording us. “What the hell,” I remarked. “What?” George asked. “Don’t look now, but Sapnap is recording us from the window,” I responded. “Should we give him a show?” George said with a smile. “What do you mean?” I said nervously laughing. “Let’s start fake fighting!” George said. “Oh my god, you’re a child,” I laughed. “What? I would be so funny to see his reaction,” George said. “Ok, let’s do it.” I said. With that, I got up and gave George a dirty look. He started to “angrily” walk out of the building. He flipped me off as he walked out. I caught a glance of a worried Sapnap. Our idea was working perfectly. Once George stepped out of the building, I fake punched him. George “shoved” me and started cussing me out. It was so hard not to laugh, knowing that this was all a joke. Sapnap came running around the corner. “What the hell happened? Stop pushing him George! HEY DON’T YOU DARE HIT GOGY,” Sapnap shouted. Me and George burst out laughing. I wheezed harder than I ever had in my life. I was laying on the ground laughing like a maniac while Sapnap was standing there, very confused. “What is happening?” Sapnap asked. I tried explaining, but my laughs prevented me from speaking. After a few minutes, George and I had finally stopped laughing. “We saw you recording us from outside, so we provided you with a show,” George said with a giggle. “Fuck off,” Sapnap said with a small laugh. “You got to admit that we got you good,” I said proudly. “Sure, let’s go back to the hotel,” Sapnap said. 

Once we got back to the hotel, we sat in a circle with our presents in front of us. Sapnap opened his first. George had gotten him a little teddy bear and some custom stickers. “How did you get these?” Sapnap asked with shock. “There was a tattoo shop, and they made stickers as well. I asked them to make these for you,” George responded. Sapnap gave George a big hug, then repeatedly thanked him. Sapnap went on to open my present to him. “This is so cool!” Sapnap exclaimed, opening the mini fridge. “I’m glad you like it,” I laughed. Next was George. He opened Sapnap’s present first. Sapnap had bought him a supreme hoodie. “This is really nice, thank you Sapnap,” George said. He started to open mine. I am very scared. My present is nothing like Sapnap’s. He opened it and gave a light hearted laugh. “This is cute,” he said. A broad smile shines over my face. “I saw the sweater, and thought it would look good on you. Then I saw the glasses and got them because I thought they would match pretty well,” I said nervously. George put on the glasses and looked at Sapnap and I. “Do I look pogchamp?” George asked. “You look proper poggers love,” Sapnap said, trying to impersonate his accent. “You look really good,” I said. I did a double take in my mind when I realized what I said. George laughed a little at my remark, then looked down. Now it was my turn to open presents. I opened Sapnap’s first. He bought me new shoes. “What a bitch,” I thought knowing he was making fun of me. “These are really nice!” I said with a smile. “Now you can have a good shoe game,” Sapnap said. “Shut up,” I said with a laugh. My heart started beating a bit quicker when I got to George’s present. It was really small. I opened it and saw some custom stickers. “These are adorable. Oh what’s this-” “Don’t read that yet!” George said quickly. “You can’t read it until New Years,” George said. I was confused and really curious. “Oh okay. Well thank you for the stickers, I really like them,” I said with a smile. “ No problem,” George said with a cheeky grin. Sapnap was giggling and I didn’t know why. “Hey George, remember what you told me earlier?” Sapnap said with a mischievous grin. “Sapnap. Don’t.” George said sternly. I was confused. They weren’t telling me something, and it didn’t sit well with me. I hate being lied to, but I try to get any thoughts with a negative connotation out of my head. “Don’t worry Clay, it’s nothing important,” Sapnap said. “Clay?!?!” I exclaimed. They started laughing uncontrollably. I sooned joined in the laughter.

*time skip*

It is now about 6:30 pm. Tomorrow is the 31st. Tomorrow is the countdown to new years. I have something very special planned, but I am getting hit with more anxiety as the day comes. My nerves are starting to get to me, I just don’t want to look like a puss if I don’t go through with my plan. I am also very curious as to what George and Sapnap were talking about earlier. I know I shouldn’t be nosy, but it was a little ominous.

“What’s for dinner? I’m hungry,” Sapnap said. “You want to just order a pizza? I’m kind of tired,” I said. I wasn’t actually tired, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings if we went anywhere. The way the moon shines on George's pale complexion makes me flustered. I don’t want to have to deal with my feelings tonight. “Sure, we could order pizza,” George said simply. Sapnap called the pizza in. “So, while we wait we should play a game,” Sapnap suggested. “What game?” George and I said in unison. I laughed a little. “Two truths and a lie?” Sapnap said. “Sure.” “I’ll go first!” Sapnap said. “Ok um...I’ve never had my first kiss, I love basketball, and I like Roblox,” Sapnap said. “Easy. You definitely have never had your first kiss, so the lie is the Roblox one,” I said. George started laughing, and I joined in. I caught myself staring at George. His laugh was like a poison. It was consuming my ears, and it was killing me. I love when George laughs. I snapped then snapped back to reality to hear Sapnap calling my name. “Dream! Pay attention! It’s your turn,” he said. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.” “Ok so I watch Bob ross videos to help me fall asleep, I have a crush, and Sapnap is cool,” I said with a laugh. “So the last one is obviously true,” Sapnap said. “I’m not too sure about that,” George said with a laugh. His laugh. Sometimes I wish he would stop laughing, because when he laughs he smiles. His smile sends me over the moon. But I also never want to see him with anything over than a smile. Seeing him be anything other than happy would kill me. “What was the lie?” George asked. “Oh, the last one,” I said with a smile. “I feel attacked,” Sapnap said. “You have a crush?” George asked. Oh god. Why did he have to ask that? “Uh yeah I guess,” I said rubbing the back of my neck. Sapnap laughed a little. “You’re a fool,” he remarked. “How?” I questioned. “No reason,” Sapnap said. 

It was about to be George’s turn, when there was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” I said. I grabbed the pizza out of the lady’s hand and paid. We all sat in silence while we ate. Finally Sapnap spoke up, “So, are you guys excited for tomorrow?” he asked. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, the day I was going to risk it all. I need to tell him, I just don’t want to ruin our friendship. I would rather never get to love him than lose his friendship. He has single handedly become the most important person in my life. He doesn’t know just how much he means to me. I don’t even know if I myself can grasp how I feel about him. Every time we speak it feels like I’m at the top of a roller coaster, and it’s about to drop. “I’m excited,” George answered. I forgot we were even having a conversation. My thoughts have been clouding my brain quite frequently. “Are you excited Dream?” Sapnap asked. “Over the moon,” I said sarcastically. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as rude,” I said immediately after. “Uh, it’s ok,” Sapnap said, sounding a little worried. I began to get flustered again. I felt they were both staring at me and waiting for me to say something. “I think I’m going to go on a walk,” I said. I quickly got up and paced out of the hotel room door. I went down the stairs, then out of the lobby door. I didn’t have anywhere in particular to go, so I just started walking along the sidewalk. I had been walking for about 5 minutes, when I felt a presence next to me. I looked over and realized it was George. “How long have you been there?” I asked. No response. “Hello?” No response. I looked over again, and he was gone. Now I’m hallucinating. I shook my head, in hopes to relieve my brain from thinking. It didn’t do anything. 

I continued to walk. I heard George’s voice calling my name. I knew it wasn’t real, so I didn’t pay it any attention. It started getting louder and louder. “Dream! Dreammmmmm!” I heard. I shook my head again begging for it to stop. “Dream! Oh my god for fucks sake CLAY!” I heard. What the hell. I turned around and saw George chasing after me. I blinked, and he was still there. I wasn’t hallucinating. “What are you doing George?” I asked with slight concern in my voice. “I could ask you the same question,” he said, catching his breath. “What’s wrong Dream? Why are you acting differently?” he questioned. I bit my tongue, stopping myself from saying what I’ve been wanting to say for so long. “Nothing, I’m fine,” I answered shortly. “Stop lying Dream. I know you’re lying to me. Please, I’m worried,” his voice sounded shaky. I turned to look him in the eyes. He seemed genuinely concerned. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to stop his worries. “Please George. Don’t worry. I don’t like seeing you upset,” I said. “Just tell me what’s wrong, then I won’t worry,” he said. “I- I just don’t know how to word it,” I stuttered. “Then take your time,” he said reassuringly. “Can I take my time by telling you tomorrow?” I asked. He rolled his eyes. “I guess,” he muttered. “I’m sorry,” I said, looking down. “For what?” George asked. “For worrying you,” I muttered. “No, please don’t apologize. It’s fine, I swear,” he said. I gave him a weak smile. “We should go back to the hotel,” he said. “Want to listen to music as we walk?” I asked. “Duh,” he replied. I handed him one of my airpods. We walked in silence while listening to music. The song “Star shopping” by Lil Peep played. “You’re so much more than gorgeous, so much more than perfect.” These words ricocheted in my mind. This is the way I feel about George. “All of these stars have a reason.” Maybe there was a reason me and George weren’t together. “A reason to shine.” I wondered to myself, what is my reason to shine? What is my reason? Now is not the time for me to be having an existential crisis. We continued walking, and we got to the hotel. Sapnap was standing by the front entrance. He ran up to us, and he hugged me. “I was worried about you bro,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry, I never had the intention of worrying you guys. I just needed to clear my head a bit,” I said nervously. “It’s okay, just tell us where you’re going next time,” Sapnap said. “Oh, ok.” I said. 

We all went back to the hotel room. George was laying in the bed because he was tired from chasing me. “You know you didn’t have to run after me,” I said. “Well, you practically ran out of this room with no explanation. I was concerned for your well being,” George said. A warm smile spread across my face. It made me feel good that George cared. I sat on the opposite side of the bed. I was scrolling through twitter, when I got a text from Sap. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here okay.” Sapnap was never not there for me. “Love you brother,” I texted back. “Dreamie poo, want to come snuggle in my bed,” he sent with the smirking face. “Of Course baby. After I gouge my eyes out,” I responded. “You’re mean,” he said. I laughed and looked at him. He was laughing too. I didn’t want to be too loud, George was falling asleep. I figured I would just go to sleep too. “Night,” I said. “Good night,” Sapnap replied. 

I woke up first. George had scooted closer to my side of the bed during the night. I carefully slipped out from under him, and went to the bathroom to shower. I finished my shower and got changed. I looked out and both of them were still fast asleep. I sent a text to George saying if he woke up that I was in the lobby. I went down to the lobby, and got a bagel from the breakfast area. I sat in one of the chairs. I ate my bagel, and let out a big sigh. Today was the day I had been anticipating our whole trip. I have no idea how tonight is going to go. I continued to sit there for a while, when out of the corner of my eye I saw George coming down the stairs. “Morning,” I said and waved him over. He gave a small smile and went to get his breakfast. A few seconds later, Sapnap had also come down the stairs. I sat there with them while they ate. “Are you excited for it to be a new year?” Sapnap asked me. “I guess. Doesn’t really change much,” I said. “What does it not change?” George asked. In my head, I knew exactly what it didn’t change. I wanted for it to change though. More than anything, I wanted to be able to call George mine. “I don’t know. Just feels like another day,” I said, keeping my response short. George hummed lightly as a response. The air felt different. It felt tense. It was no longer a comfortable silence. It felt like everyone had something to say, but no one would speak up. I sat there, and fidgeted with my hands. It felt so awkward. I looked at George and caught him looking at me. I quickly looked away and fidgeted with my hands again. “You guys are so dumb,” Sapnap said. “Why?” George asked. “Open your goddamn eyes George. I know your not stupid, but you’re sure acting like it,” Sapnap responded, seeming annoyed. “What do you mean Sapanp? I’m not being stupid at all!” George replied defensively. “I beg to differ,” Sapnap scoffed. “Whatever,” George said. I didn’t say anything. I agreed with Sapnap. I was being dumb. I needed to tell George how I felt. 

*time skip*

It was now about 9:30 pm. George and Sapnap weren’t upset at each other anymore. We were walking through times square. Just a few more hours until midnight. I had a plan. At midnight, I would tell George. I would tell him how I felt. I was getting nervous, but confident at the same time. I promised myself I would tell him, but how will he react? We went to a few shops and walked around. We had all got separated at one point. I then saw Sapnap and walked over to him. “Hey,” he said. “I’m doing it,” I said. “What?” he questioned. “I’m going to tell him. Every last bit,” I said. He had a sigh of relief. “Fucking finally,” he said. “Oh as if you would say anything if you had feelings,” I scoffed. “At least I wouldn’t act like a fool,” he replied. “Shut the hell up,” I laughed. We walked around for a while and met up with George. It was now 11 pm. We basically had to wait around now. With every minute that passed, my heart beated faster. The anticipation and build up to this moment had all passed now that it was here. We waited and waited until it was only a few more minutes. 

It was 11:55. Sapnap had walked away to a store. I knew he walked away so we could have our space. I looked over to George, who was looking down at his feet. “You good?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m just a little tired I guess,” he responded. All the lights in the city shone down on his face. His eyes were deep, but had sparkles in them from the moon. He looked like a literal angel. That is when I knew exactly how I felt. I loved him. With every bit of my heart. I was lost in thought when I heard, “10, 9, 8.” I knew this was the time. As they counted down the seconds, I looked at George. I smiled at him, and he returned it. I didn’t look away for a second. I grabbed his hand, and he looked confused. “3, 2, 1!” I cupped his cheek with one hand, and held his hand with the other. I leaned in. Our faces were about to connect when I felt a push. He pulled away, and looked at me with confusion. “Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it,” I said shakily. I turned around and walked the other way. I heard my name being called, but I didn’t turn. I knew I was faster than him, so I ran. He wouldn’t be able to catch me. I ran and ran. I didn’t have anywhere to go, but I continued to run. I finally stopped to catch my breath, and my phone read that it was now 12:15. I ran for 15 minutes. I took in my surroundings, and saw a hotel nearby. I had my wallet with me, and didn’t want to go back to the hotel I shared with the others. I got a room at the new hotel, and sat on the bed. My hands ran through my hair as I tried to clear my mind. I splashed my face with water, nothing. I did a pushup, nothing. I clenched my fists with anger. I wasn’t angry at George, I was angry at myself. I was angry at myself for ever thinking I had a chance. I stripped off my clothes and got in the shower. I played music on my phone. As I stepped in the shower, the song “Can I call you tonight?” played. I wet my hair a bit. As the song started to say “So can I call you tonight?” I ran my hands through my wet hair. I tilted my head back in the water. As if this song was a time machine, it took me back. Images of me and George flashed through my mind. Us sitting in the car, him following me out of the hotel, us sitting and laughing at Mcdonalds, and then us tonight. I leaned my back against the wall of the shower, and slowly slipped down. I sat on the shower floor with my head in my hands. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. A tear went down my face. Soon after, I couldn’t see anymore. The tears consumed my eyes, making them swell. It was painful. I sat there, and wanted nothing. I wasn’t longing for George’s touch. I wasn’t wishing to be with him. I thought back to the song I listened to the other night with George. “All of these stars have a reason.” My reason was George. I didn’t have a reason anymore. My reason was gone. Why was I doing this? Why was I putting myself through the immense pain if I didn’t have a reason? 

I got out of the shower. My phone was blowing up from presumably George and Sapnap. I didn’t want to check it. I lied down in the bed not knowing what to do. Then I remembered. The note. George gave me a note, and told me to open it on new years. I got up and walked to my wallet. I opened it, and carefully took out the note. I was hesitant to open it, for fear it said something bad. What did I have to lose now though? I might as well just get through with it.   
Dear Dream,   
Hey Dream. If you’re reading this, then it is probably New Year’s. I have something that I want to tell you. I have wanted to say this for the longest time, but I would never have the guts to say it to your face. I always pussy out. I like you Dream. I never wanted to tell you, for fear I would ruin our friendship, but I like you. I told Sapnap how I felt, and he told me I should tell you. I want to be with you, but I’m not sure how you feel. If this weirded you out, I am very sorry. I will always care about you deeply, whether that is more than a friend or not. I love you Dream. Have a good new year. No matter what happens please remember, you are wonderful. You are hardworking, smart and caring. You deserve every success you may get in life. Whether that’s you being with me or someone else, I always want you to be happy.  
Love, George

What the hell. I am fucking stupid. I picked up my phone to see 10 missed calls from George and 15 missed calls from Sapnap. Sapnap left a voicemail. “Dude what the hell? Where did you go? What did George do? He feels terrible. He’s crying right now and apologizing. What happened? Answer my damn calls.” Shit. I put my clothes on and put on my shoes. I turned on my music and put my airpods in. I started running. I remembered which way I came, so I just ran that way. I made George cry. I am an idiot. This is all my fault. I looked at my phone and called George. He answered. “I’m so sorry-” “No I’m sorry. This is all my fault,” I said shakily. “I’m such an idiot. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry I made you cry. Please don’t cry. I could never forgive myself if I made you sad,” I said. At this point, I was crying, My eyes blurred, but I continued running. “Are you okay?” I asked while blindly running through Times Square. “I’m okay, where are you? Are you crying? I’m sorry if I hurt you,” George said with concern in his voice. “I’m coming. I'm going as fast as I can,” I said through tears. Music is still faintly playing through my ears. I hear “Can I call you Tonight?” playing. The chorus of the song seemed to have some serious meaning. I had a moment earlier in the shower when the chorus played. Now, as the chorus played I felt it. The impact. I was running blindly, I should’ve been more careful. As the words,“Can I call you tonight?” ring through my ears I get hit. A car slammed into my side. “DREAM!” George yelled as he saw me get hit by a car. “Dream! Dream please are you okay? Please be okay!” George stammered as he hovered over me. “I- I love you so much George,” I managed to mutter out while coughing up blood. “No, no stop. You’re scaring me Dream. Don’t say that yet, you’re not going! Not now please!” George pleaded through sobs. “It’s going to be okay Georgie,” I said and lightly caressed his cheek. Sapnap heard the commotion and ran over. “What the hell happened? I’m calling 911,” Sapnap said. “Dream promise me you’ll be okay! Please!” George begged. “I- I don’t kn-know what I c-can promise. Ju-Just know that n-no matter what I wi-will always be here wi-with you,” I said through tears. “I- I will t-try my best Georgie I pr-promise,” I said with a small smile. The sound of sirens split through the air. I hadn’t even noticed there was a crowd around me. The only thing I knew at this moment was George. How even when I was in the most intense pain I had ever been in, his eyes still sparkled in the moonlight. His face is soft and caring. I’d never seen George cry before now. “He-hey George. Please do-don’t cry. Th-the last thi-thing I would want is f-for you to be sad,” I managed to get out. “How are you so selfless? I don’t deserve you,” George said through tears. I felt my body shifting. I was being lifted into the back of the ambulance. The lights inside were so bright. They were so bright they consumed my vision. Soon everything went black.

*time skip*

George POV

I am a horrible person. I am the reason Dream is hurt. I had to watch. I saw him running, tripping with each step. He was muttering something. I couldn’t make out all of it, I just heard “call” and “tonight”. I rode in the ambulance the whole way to the hospital. He had passed out in the ambulance. They rushed him into a room, and they didn’t let me in. I curled up in the chair outside the door and cried. I had a little bit of blood on my sleeve from holding Dreams head up. Sapnap had sat next to me. He hugged me, and told me it was going to be okay. “How? How is it going to be okay? I never got to tell him I loved him!” I said through more tears. “George, he knows you love him. I promise he knows,” Sapnap said. It had now been about 6 hours since we came to the hospital. I knocked on the door and asked the nurse if I could come in yet. They allowed me to go in. I walked in and saw him. He looked lifeless. The man who could make me feel happy with simply just a smile was now laying here, losing his battle. The doctors told me there was only a 20% survival rate. One of his lungs was punctured from getting hit. He had also gotten a big concussion. My heart hurt. It felt like a piece of my heart was cut straight out of my chest. I felt helpless. He is my everything. I decided to listen to some music. I grabbed my airpods and turned on Dream’s playlist. The song “Star shopping” by Lil Peep came on. The song said “Right now I’m not really worth it.” I’m not worth it. If I were Dream, I would let go. I’m not worth fighting for. “This music is the only thing keeping the peace when I’m falling to pieces.” I was falling to pieces. My whole world just came crashing down and it’s all my fault. All my fault because I was a pussy and couldn’t tell him how I felt. I regret not telling him sooner. That stupid note was a bad idea. I wished I would’ve told him upfront. Why the hell did I not let him kiss me? I was nervous and dumb. I should’ve gone for it, but I’m just a puss. It’s all my fucking fault. Why am I like this? My thoughts were cut off by a sound. It was a voice. I looked up to see Dream’s eyes open. I rushed over to the side of his bed and held his hand. “George?” he asked. “Yes. Yes I’m here Dreamie,” I said, cringing at the nickname I had just given him. “Anything you want to say?” he whispered. “What?” I asked. “Tell me what you said in the letter. I want to hear you say it,” he said. “Oh. I- I uh...I love you,” I said quickly. “Huh? I didn’t quite catch that,” he said quietly. “I love you Dream. I love you with all of my heart,” I said confidently. “That’s all I needed to hear,” he said letting out a breath. He closed his eyes again. One moment I was telling him how I felt, and the next my heart stopped. A long beep sound came from the machine. He flatlined. I fell to the floor. No tears were able to come out. The pain was unbearable. It hurt so much that crying wasn’t even an option. Sapnap rushed into the room to see why I was on the ground. He looked at the machine with disbelief. “No. No why?” he pleaded, tears pooling in his eyes. I continued to sit on the ground for a second, before walking out of the room. I walked down the hallway, and out of the hospital. My everything. My whole heart was gone. I felt numb. It felt like pain was nonexistent. I had felt so much pain, that I was now immune to it. Nothing hurt anymore. Me tripping on the steps out of the hospital, I felt nothing. My existence was now nothing. My reason was gone. “All of those stars have a reason.” My reason is gone. What’s the reason? I walked to the subway. I didn’t know where I was going, but I didn’t need to know. I was right when I said I was immune to pain. When I jumped in front of the train, I felt nothing. My brain simply went black, and every worry, every feeling, every thought, every word, everything was gone. The hole in my heart was no longer. Instead, it was filled with everything. Everything my mind got rid of, my heart took. My love for Dream, my friendship with Sap, the words of the song, the thoughts, they all filled my heart. I was no longer incomplete. Everything I had ever dreamed of was with me, but I would never get to experience it in real life. Only in an ongoing dream, that I assumed to be heaven. I was happy here. I was with Dream and Sapnap. We were all sitting together opening our presents again. I had just opened Dream’s present. A dark blue sweater with a star in the middle. The star glasses. I had everything in this everlasting dream. My mind was finally at rest, and my heart at peace. Every drop of guilt, fear, and worry were gone. I wasn’t dead, I was just star shopping.


End file.
